


Stages

by BevedUpRose



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2016), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Multi, Other, Sad times, later it will be graphic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-09-16 01:16:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9267281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BevedUpRose/pseuds/BevedUpRose
Summary: They all contribute to the Butsudan, a household altar to commemorate a deceased love one. Incense, offerings of food, flowers, a picture...It's a long path to get over loss and they all deal with the grief in different ways.





	1. Denial

_“You’d be surprised what lengths people will go to not to face what’s real and painful inside them.”_

   Within the sewer system under the bustling city was New York’s silent heroes. Silent being an understatement. The lair was once lively with the boastful sounds of training, fighting, laughing, the usual for a home filled with four teenage brothers. Now the lair is silent, a tense sad aura filling the air. Weeks have gone by since Donatello’s passing and the world above is none the wiser to the turmoil beneath their feet.

   The only lively room in the lair is the kitchen with the clanking of pots and pans. Michelangelo is hard at work cooking a family meal. He works diligently in a flowing manner that shows he is no stranger in the kitchen. Mikey knows the food will probably be taken to separate rooms or left cold at the table. He cooks anyway. He wants to have something that will bring his family together.

Mikey can always count on Splinter to eat with him, the old rat tries his best to not miss a chance to spend time with his youngest.

Leo occasionally eats with them. He doesn’t join in on the conversations much.

Raph doesn’t join them at all. Sometimes he doesn’t even come out to get the food, Mikey has to bring it to him.

   They were going to have curry on rice. It wasn’t quite the way Donnie usually made it but he never gave up his secret technique. Maybe he’d leave a bowl at the Butsudan, at least it would be appreciated. Raphael thought it was too bland while Leonardo thought it was too spicy. Splinter and Mikey liked it well enough. Donatello usually just made a batch for himself when he knew he was going to be busy for most of the day.

   He had had some a few weeks ago. He made some before the others had left to stop Kraang. When they returned they had found it spilled on his desk and the floor. Mikey remembers the smell of spices mixed with stale blood burning his nose.

_They had defeated Kraang, hopefully for good this time. That guy just wouldn’t stop his ‘I’ll be back’ schtick. At least that was one less problem for them to worry about. Donnie cut out at the end but the mission carried on without a hitch. He had decided to stay behind as ‘ground control’, he thought it was the best way to watch their backs while getting a full scope of the situation._

_They couldn’t wait to get to the lair and celebrate. Even Master Splinter was excited. The old rat hadn’t been out in the field for a long time, it was nice to stretch his legs. Their loud celebrating continued on their journey back home._

_Splinter stopped and hushed them when they neared the lair, he could sense something was wrong. The air was still and tense. They ran in when they saw the entrance destroyed. The lair was in shambles, signs of battle evident all over. Furniture was broken and equipment was scattered all over the place. Even the walls had huge cracks in them and some pieces missing. They all started calling out for their brother._

_They stopped looking around frantically when they heard it. Feminine sobbing. They ran to it and stopped in their tracks when they saw it. Their security system was destroyed, all the screens and gadgets smashed to pieces. Shards of glass were all around the area. That's not why they stopped._

_April had Donnie’s head cradled in her lap as she cried. He was still and pale. And the blood. There was so much of it around Donnie…_

He throws out the curry.

   Michelangelo leans against the counter and holds his head as a thudding headache comes on. Back when they first found Donatello the whole scene hadn’t really hit home with Michelangelo.

_Why was April crying? Donnie had survived worse, he was just resting. Any moment now he was going to wake up and start doting on them. He was going to cheer their victory and like a mother hen, he would demand to see any wounds. He’d take care of himself last._

   His father tells him he was like a statue, unmoving and mouth agape with a look of shock on his face. Once it finally registered in his brain that his big brother was gone he wished it hadn’t. The memories, good and bad, hurt. He tries to will them away. He doesn’t want to forget Donnie but sometimes he thinks it would be better too. Maybe it would stop the hurt.

    “Michelangelo.” The sudden use of his name startles him, he quickly turns to see Splinter enter the kitchen. The rat was truly a master of stealth.

    “Oh hey, Sensei.” Mikey composes himself. “I just finished.”

    As he makes the bowls of rice he readies a smile. He had to be strong. It was his job as the youngest to keep up a childish happy demeanor. Someone in the family had to be happy. What good would it do for them all to be in a sour mood? He sets the table and begins to eat with his father. Twenty minutes go by and it’s clear that it will be only the two of them tonight.

No one mentions the fifth place set at the table.

_“Denying what you feel will not make it go away. It ensures it never gets resolved.”_


	2. Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! Swearing! I mean really? With the title who do think this chapter is about?

_“Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything.”_

     The lair was again quiet in the early hours of the morning. The usual training was canceled for another day of healing. As the other residents were sleeping sounds of strain could be heard from their makeshift dojo. There, Raphael secluded himself and trained.

The red-banded turtle was taking out his aggression on a punching bag after another fight with his older brother. Heat and anger radiated off of him as blow after blow met the leather of the workout equipment. He had been at this for a few hours and still, his aggression wasn’t quelled. There was a time when fighting like this was calming. The exertion of energy leaving him as he grew tired, his anger forgotten, just the focus on the fight. There was a time when he had a sparring partner.

_Raphael had gone to his brother’s lab to vent but when he saw he was busy he decided to wait. He sat on a nearby chair away from Donnie as not to disturb him. It didn’t work as he planned._

_“I’ll bite,” Donatello swiveled his chair to face Raphael who was currently bouncing his foot and repeatedly popping his finger joints. “What’s wrong?” He replaced the goggles on his nose with his glasses._

_“It’s Leo.”_

_“Of course it is.” Donnie didn’t flinch at the glare he was given._

_“He’s just so fucking high and mighty. Always telling me what I’m doing wrong but not helping! Just this morning he was grilling me on my form and he had that stupid smirk on his face, it just made me so-” he slams his fist on the work table, making the equipment shake._

_“Okay, come with me.” Donatello made his way to the door. “You know, before you break something.”_

_Raphael huffed but followed his brother._

_As soon as they entered the dojo Donatello went into a defensive position, fists up to protect his face._

_“Come at me”_

_“What?”_

_“Come at me, throw some punches. You need to vent and I doubt fighting Leo is going to help.”_

_Raphael shrugged and got into a similar stance. The two of them slowly circled each other, looking for any opening or weakness. Always the offensive type Raphael was the first to go in for a strike. He let loose a flurry of quick jabs that Donatello was able to narrowly dodge._

_Raphael may not have been the fastest out of his brothers but what he lacked in speed he made up for in strength. He changed it up and faked a jab while going for an ax kick._

_The kick connected with Donnie’s side causing him to stumble at the unexpected attack. Raphael smirked at his presumed victory. He barely noticed his opponent catch himself with a hand on the floor and plant his foot as a pivot point then…_

_Raphael was on his back looking at the ceiling of the dojo. ‘Did he just sweep kick me?’_

_“You have to be patient.” Donatello was looking down at Raphael, the light above obscuring his features. “You kept attacking wildly and even though that kick was a surprise I used it against you.” Raph takes the hand extended out to him and gets up._

_“You were too smug and let your guard down. In the end, it took one attack to beat you” Donatello moves a few feet away and gets back into his stance and smiles. “Let’s try again.”_

_Raphael smiles and prepares for another fight. Donatello occasionally gives tips and helps correct stances and strategy, his voice calm and not patronizing. They go a few rounds, all the while having friendly banter._

_Sparring with his older brother, his problems thrown to the wayside. These were some of the most calming moments for Raphael._

     Raphael grabbed a towel from a nearby chair and wiped the sweat from his face. He sat and took a moment to collect himself. It would look like the workout was what he was recovering from, but it was more than that.

‘This was all bullshit. Why did it have to happen to Donnie? He wasn’t the best fighter but he wasn’t stupid. What could have gone wrong? They had come home to find the lair a mess and Donnie… He was bleeding, his shell cracked like a-’

Raphael shut his eyes and clenched his fists as he was slumped over the chair. He wasn’t going to use that phrase, not after what _they_ did.

_It was two weeks after the incident. Gang activity had been increasing and Leo thought fighting crime was a good way to get out of the lair and distract them. It was a standard mission, get in the warehouse, kick some teeth in, and leave them there for the authorities._

_It was supposed to be a standard mission until they showed up._

_“Hey Rocksteady,” The warthog, known as Bebop, called out to his partner. “Look who we have here.”_

_Rocksteady, a hulking rhino, stepped out of the shadows with his partner at his side. The ground shook with each step he took. “Ah, turtles. Where’s your other brotha?” As the two of them laughed Raphael gripped his sais tightly._

_“Maybe I should give ‘em the same treatment.” He takes out his sledgehammer from his back as he says this. “Cracked his shell like a fucking walnut. Easy too, little pussy didn’t even give us a good fight.”_

_That was when they realized who had taken their brother. They talked cruelly of him like it was nothing. That was enough for Raphael. He used all of his force in his attacks, he intended to do some serious harm to these two. He was so out of focus that he hardly gave any damage but received a lot._

_Leonardo and Michelangelo came to his aid, getting the two mutants far enough from him so he could recover. As he was going in for another attack he felt two pairs of hands on his arms, pulling him back. His brothers continued to push and lead him away so he wouldn’t go back to the fight._

_They were running away._

_“ Bye bye, turtles. Go on, run!”_

_Raphael felt sick._

     Raphael goes back to the punching bag. He imagined it was Rocksteady as he attacked it with punches and kicks. He took out all his aggression, his sadness, his rage out on it. He wished he could do this to the real thing. He was making plans to do just that. He was going to give them what was coming to them. His opponent began to change to someone else. Even if he had to do it alone.

_As soon as they made it back into the sewers Raphael turned on his eldest brother._

_“What the hell was that Leo?!”_

_“Raph keep it down! They could be around”_

_Raphael turned back the way they had come and bellowed down the sewer tunnel, arms wide in challenge. “Maybe I WANT THEM TO HEAR ME!” The sound echoed off the walls._

_Leo placed a hand on his shoulder “Raph w-” His hand was shoved away and he was met with the heated gaze of his brother._

_“They were talking shit about Donnie,” Raphael’s voice was level but the intense rage was still there. “Those bastards were laughing about how ‘easy’ it was. And you…” He paces, his hands twitching from the pure anger coursing through him. He turns back to Leonardo and points at him accusingly. “You always preach that Bushido honor crap but what do you do? You run! You run when some fuckers are degrading our brother.”_

_“What good would it do?” Leonardo gets chest to chest with Raphael. His voice low and authoritative. “Do you really think we could have taken them Raph? We’re not in the right mind, especially you. We’re all still grieving but we can’t let our emotions get the better of us. When you get angry like that you don’t think. You’re reckless.” Raphael shoves Leonardo away._

_“I would have gladly fought them for Donnie. At least I’m not coward.”_

     Raphael kept up his assault as he imagined he was fighting Leo. “Who does he think he is?! Fearless leader my ass!” The thudding of punches echoed through the dojo walls. “Why did Master Splinter even make him leader? He’s so fucking smug and critical!” He imagined what it would be like having anyone else as a leader. Mikey was too easy going and easily distracted. He himself was too impulsive, he could agree to this sometimes.

The only other candidate would have been Donnie. He may have been annoying sometimes but that might be from hanging out with Mikey the most out of the brothers. Leo was too busy training while Raphael had little patience for the energetic turtle. Donnie was a saint in that department, sure he had his limits like everyone else but it took a lot to get him there. The patience of a leader and the wisdom. If any of them needed advice they either went to Master Splinter or Donatello. He had the traits of a leader but the best he could get was the right-hand man to Leonardo.

     He deserved so much better than this. He deserved to live a long life. Get a girl and possibly have a family. These things were unlikely to happen but now he can’t even try. He’s gone because of some fucker thought it would be funny. He’s gone and he wasn’t coming back.

Raphael stopped, he was breathing heavily as he tried to calm his erratic heart. As his angry haze began to leave him he noticed a soft sound, like raw rice grains being poured into a bowl.

Sand was coming out of the rip his sais made in the punching bag, falling to the floor in a small pile at his feet. He sighs and takes the damaged equipment down and puts it in a corner with other punching bags in a similar condition. Raphael re-wraps his hands and sets up another punching bag.

Ready to start the process over again.

_“Anger is the emotion we use to avoid more uncomfortable feelings: confusion, fear, sadness.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ages for the story if you couldn't tell are as such.
> 
> Leonardo  
> Donatello  
> Raphael  
> Michelangelo
> 
> I thought it made sense that the two oldest sons had similar personallities.


	3. Bargaining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Death and minor gore!

_“Sacrifice is the greatest form of bargaining”_

_April made her way through the sewer system. Leo had called her and asked if she could check on Donnie, the headset had gone out and they just wanted to make sure everything was alright. When she called and it went to his voicemail, she began to worry. This wasn’t like him, he always picked up._

_She made her way through the entrance of the lair. “Donnie?” There was no response, the only sound was the crunching of broken glass under her feet. April went further in, staying silent in case whoever made this mess was nearby._

_April heard a groan and followed it. She nearly puked at what she saw. Donatello was on the concrete ground, laying on one arm while the other was ahead of him. April ran to him and checked his wounds. His shell was cracked open near his right shoulder, some shards inside with his intestines and other organs. With each heaving breath, he took more blood came out, coating his skin. With a huff she turned him over, his organs shifting with him._

_She had to use her leg to cover the hole enough so nothing fell out._

_“Donnie please, what can I do?!” April’s voice was anything but calm. How could it be? The possibility of losing not only a friend but a brother was very real. She tried to listen to the ‘words’ he was saying. They were more of a garbled mess of indiscernible sounds. He must have been injured for a while if he was this far gone. She panicked more when she noticed the distant glazed look in his eyes and his head teetering every so often._

_He was going to pass out._

_“Oh nononononono! Donnie please don’t go! Your brothers, your father, they…we need you, Donnie!”_

_April tried to get up to find a medkit but stopped when she felt the cool scales of Donnie’s hand around her arm. One look into his sad and scared eyes told her that it was too late. Even he knew it. With this realization she cried and stayed by his side, not wanting to leave him to pass on alone. She held onto him as he slowly slipped into distant unconsciousness. Her tears hitting Donatello’s cooling cheeks. She stayed there when he finally took his last breath. When his family came back. She even stayed there after they had taken his body away._

_“I need you…”_

    April woke up in a cold sweat. She quickly turned on her bedside lamp and scanned her room. She threw a pillow at the wall and brought her legs closer to her body, trying to make herself small. It was that damn nightmare again. Nearly every night she had it, just as vivid. No…it wasn’t a nightmare, but a memory.

It was a memory of the most horrible day in her life. It was months ago but the wounds were still fresh. She still found herself praying and wishing that this was all some sort of sick joke. That she would wake up and have excited texts from Donnie about some new invention or discovery he had made.

    Nothing changed. Donatello was gone, he wasn’t coming back today, tomorrow, or any other day. April sighed and began to get ready for her long day. She didn’t call the others, feeling as though they blamed her for the loss of the purple banded brainiac. She wouldn’t blame them if that was how they felt. She didn’t do anything to help him, not that she could have in all reality.

She always promised to do so much better in life if he was returned to them. She would have taken his place if she could.

_“The best things in life should not be bargained for. They should be fought for.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait. A lot of things have been going on in my personal life but I will finish this story!

**Author's Note:**

> This was beta'd by my friend, she doesn't have an account here.
> 
> I put my own spin on the events that have happened lately in the comics. Donatello is my favorite character and I especially love him in the recent movies.
> 
> I put my own spin on his personality and I hope you can see a bit more of it as everyone remembers Donnie.
> 
> Comments are appreciated C:


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